Memoir Writing: From Soul-Searching to the Waiting Game

When I first started typing my story like I was possessed, I had no idea what kind of adventure I was stepping into.

Had I known, that familiar negative voice inside me would have shut the whole thing down after the first couple of sentences. Writing wasn’t “for me.” I’d never mastered punctuation or grammar in any language. But stuck in a small flat in a new country during endless lockdowns, I wrote anyway. It was that or lose my mind.

Two years later, after memoir courses, supportive friends, and generous beta readers, I had something resembling a manuscript. Exciting! Until I realized I had absolutely no idea what to do with it.

Thanks to the internet, I discovered the “golden ticket”: a literary agent—the gatekeeper of the publishing world. But from where I stood, it seemed only celebrities or best-selling authors had access. I am neither.

I was ready to let my manuscript become a forgotten folder on my laptop when an advertisement popped up for a workshop on mastering the query letter. I had seen the term before: that mysterious one-page email meant to make an agent fall in love with your book idea. The workshop was free, so I joined.

The host insisted anyone could get an agent—provided the writing was strong and the story fit the right agent’s list. She broke down the formula: skip the chit-chat, explain why you chose the agent, mention comparable titles, and then deliver the blurb—led by the hook, or “inciting incident.” Close with a short bio. Voilà.

It sounded straightforward, but it took me months to identify mine. It felt like unwanted therapy, forcing me to dig into the true core of my story. My first attempt at a hook was giving up my jeans and changing my wardrobe. Riveting, n’est-ce pas? Then I thought the shift from a secular routine to a religious one was “it,” before realizing it was flat and unoriginal.

Finally, after experimenting with detours into the darker parts of my past, I landed on the moment my in-laws revealed what they really thought of me. That became the inciting incident: an atheist converting to Judaism for family, yet remaining a steadfast atheist. But is it hooky enough for an agent?

Over the next two years, I wrote—with strange pleasure—hundreds of query letters. Minor tweaks. Major rewrites. Workshops. Feedback sessions. Eventually, I had one I felt strong enough. But writing the query wasn’t the goal; I had to send it, complete with a bio listing my zero writing credentials.

With an adrenaline-filled heart, I started last year, querying in batches of ten. The strategy is simple: if the letter works, you receive requests for chapters.

You guessed it. Nothing happened.

I revised again. Every time I pressed “Send,” I convinced myself I’d missed something—a comma, an extra space, the ultimate sin: a misspelled word. True story: I once wrote “Sabbat” instead of “Shabbat.” Mortified. There was nothing I could do—you cannot unsend a query.

Still, I think I finally like my current version. Friends have heard me say that before—usually right before I rewrite everything. I peeked at it again while writing this; I may not love it as much as I thought, and right now, I have no clue how to make it better. Yet. Sigh.

While I wait for that elusive email from an agent, I write here. Ideas flow easily; editing takes days, but I’m not complaining. This blog is my way of connecting with you about my unconventional conversion story.

Most conversion stories are leaps of faith; mine was a leap into a family. It’s the story of an atheist becoming a Jew—a journey of belonging without belief.

You’ll walk beside me through Israeli life as a curious outsider, armed with the curiosity of an anthropologist and the determination of an undercover agent.

And I’ll end with this: God never complained. Even when I tried reaching out. ^_~

“Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience.” – Paulo Coelho Mural captured in Shoredith, London.

This post is inspired by my memoir, which is currently seeking publication. Thank you for reading—feel free to share and explore more posts, and consider subscribing!

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You may also enjoy:

- Why I Wrote This Memoir 

- Searching for the Perfect Title for my Jewish Conversion Memoir

- Why I Converted to Judaism as an Atheist: It’s Not About Religion